watching you sleep

cause it's 5AM and I'm painfully in love

I really like watching my wife sleep.

she really enjoys it - sleep.

and I know it’s one of the few moments

when her anxious mind throttles down to ease.

so I love to watch her sleep.

but because I’m mischievous,

I also enjoy tiptoe’ing up to the door

of the dream realm

whispering my birdsong into the void,

and awaiting her response:

a smile,

and a melt.

I’m a sidestepper and so is she.

sometimes,

I wiggle my top leg between hers,

engaging my glutes so she doesn’t feel the full weight of my extremity.

I scoop my bottom arm beneath her pillow,

and softly caress the small of her back with my other hand.

I pull her closer to me until we fold

into another like butter into dough.

she smiles softly

and melts away.

sometimes,

I place the top of my foot

against the bottom of hers

and press upward,

signaling that it has begun:

she presses down against my foot,

like a gas pedal

until one of us gives -

a “game” we’ve played for so long that I’ve forgot how it began.

she smiles softly

and melts away.

sometimes,

I gentle kiss her arm

starting at her wrist crease,

working my way up to the fold in her elbow,

barely grazing the hair on her arm

with my lips.

when she’s awake,

I do this forcefully while holding her arm in the air,

like a trophy,

mimicking the way Gomez kisses Morticia Addams.

when she’s asleep,

I’m much more gentle.

yet

her body recognizes the pattern.

she smiles -

a bit wider this time -

and melts away.

sometimes,

I whisper sweet nothings in her ear:

“I love you the same.”

or

“Whoever is bothering you in your dream…”

as she jerks about,

“…tell them your Bae is outside and will pop the trunk.”

or

“You ever been in love?”

something we surprise each other with randomly

to catch the other off guard.

or,

or,

or,

searching, practicing new ways to affirm my love for her.

she smiles,

and melts away.

I love watching her sleep.

even when I can’t.

most nights I can’t.

so I awake at 5AM

to sprinkle breadcrumbs on Al Gore’s internet,

about our love.

about her.

in hopes

that when she awakes,

and I’m long gone to work,

she can still feel held by me.

//

I love you the same, Kellie W